Jews

Did you hear about the Jewish paedophile? He comes out from behind the bushes and says, “Hey little boy, want to buy some sweets?”

‘There is safety in numbers’ Unless there are 6,000,000 of you. And you are all Jews.

What do you call 1,000 Jews on a train? Whatever you like, they’re not coming back

What does a Jew with an erection get when he runs into a wall? A broken nose.

Why are Jews noses so big? Because air is free!

What’s the difference between a Jew and a canoe? A canoe occasionally tips!

How many Jews does it take to open a door? Definitely more than 6 million.

Did you hear about the Jewish Santa Claus? He comes down the chimney and says “Hi kids! You want to buy some presents?”

What’s the definition of forgiveness? A Jewish gas meter reader in Berlin.

The Jews are a bunch of stoners, they love getting baked.

Do you know how the Grand Canyon was formed? A Jew dropped a nickel into a gopher hole.

Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, There’s gas in you’re shower, Because you’re a Jew

What’s the difference between a jew and a boyscout? A boyscout can come back from his camp!

I was in Paris on holiday and got speaking a Jewish guy on his honeymoon. I asked him where his wife was, and he said “She’s been to Paris before so I didn’t bring her.”

Whats a Jew’s worst dilemma? Free Ham.

Blacks

I’m not racist. Racism is a crime and crime is for black people.

Why don’t black people go on cruises? They’re not falling for that one again.

A nigger goes into a library and says, “I…” The librarian interrupts and says, “Fuck off, you won’t bring it back.”

What’s the only thing positive about Blacks? HIV.

95% of black males say they enjoy sex in the shower. The other 5% haven’t been to prison yet.

What do you call a black doctor? Doctor Dolittle.

Recently, I saw an article about Americans sending their old clothes over to the poor in Africa. Pointless, I’ve never seen an African with a 52 inch waist.

What’s the difference between a naked white woman and a naked black woman? One’s on the cover of Playboy and the other’s on the cover of National Geographic.

What does a black epileptic have written on his t-shirt? Help me, I’m not breakdancing!

When does a Black man turn into a nigger? As soon as he leaves the room.

3 kids in school one day. The teacher asks them, “What do cows say?” Amy replies “moo!” Teacher then asks, “What do sheep say?” Jack replies, “baa!” Teacher then asks, “What do pigs say?” Leroy says “Freeze motherfuckin’ nigger, what’s in the fuckin’ bag?”

How do you find a nigger? Guilty.

If the army dress in camouflage to blend in with woodland, does that mean that the police dress in black to blend in with criminals?

Why are all the best basketball players black? Because it involves stealing, shooting and running…

What’s black and sits in the lounge, in front of the TV, doing absolutely nothing, all day and every day ? My sofa, of course. You don’t think I’d let a nigger in the house, do you ?

I think our Christmas tree lights are niggers. They never work, they’re all chained together, and we hang them from trees.

A half Jewish, half black Kid asks his Mom, “Mom, am I mostly Jewish or mostly black?” “That’s a dumb question,” she replies. “Go bother your Dad, already” Off he goes – “Dad, would you say I’m mostly Jewish or mostly black?” “You’re just you, son, why are you asking dumb questions like that?” “Well, my friend’s selling his bike for £50 and I don’t know whether to Jew him down to £25 or just wait until dark and steal the fucker.”

Most women say that once they’ve gone black, they never go back. Good. I don’t want any of those filthy bitches giving me AIDS.